BOMA International Conference Trailer: The Gauntlet by Patrick Hennessy

BOMA International Conference Trailer: The Gauntlet

Written by Patrick Hennessy, Emerging Professionals Scholarship Recipient

The following are trailers for two programs to be featured on HBO(MA), a new streaming service bringing together Hollywood’s most prestigious and accomplished entertainment brand with the commercial real estate field’s most historic and impactful association. Each program below is centered around the BOMA International Conference, held last June in Kansas City.

THE GAUNTLET
A reality competition series spanning the busiest days of BOMA International Conference. Hosted by a charismatic showman-type: someone extremely good looking but with one feature that is subconsciously off-putting. For example, their forehead is way bigger than average, like Joel McHale. The host can be thought of as Joel McHale. The host is Joel McHale.

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Camera opens to a richly-appointed set, with gold art deco structures set against navy blue curtains and several carved fountains. Five competitors are standing on stage, each lottery winners who’ve claimed a place at Conference. Host enters stage right.

JOEL: Contestants, welcome to Kansas City, and congratulations    for making it to the right place. We were afraid some of you would end up in St. Louis.

Contestants chuckle in unison. Did someone almost end up in St. Louis?

JOEL: Now, you’re all about to embark on a whirlwind adventure here in the Paris of the Plains. You’ll endure training courses, keynote addresses, vendor expos, social excursions, and professional opportunities as wide as my forehead is big.

Contestants look at each other quizzically. Like, is this really that intense an experience? This is going to be great, right? And is the host’s forehead really that big?

JOEL: Your first challenge has been known to throw others off guard before. Your first challenge is…

Contestants portray equal parts excitement and fear, uncertain what’s to come.

JOEL: …to wake your pretty little foreheads up for breakfast Sunday morning.

Several contestants sigh slightly. Who doesn’t love breakfast?

JOEL: At 7:30 AM.

Contestants gasp.

CONTESTANT 3: But, that’s so early!

CONTESTANT 5: Wouldn’t that be, like, 5:30 AM our time?

CONTESTANT 2: Pretty little foreheads?

JOEL: You heard me. 7:30 AM.

CONTESTANT 4: Well, is breakfast going to be good?

JOEL: Judgement is subjective, young one.

CONTESTANT 5: I’m vegetarian, will there be plates without bacon or some sort of pork on it?

JOEL: I don’t want to spoil anything. But no, literally everything is either pork or bacon.

CONTESTANT 2: Ok.. Mr. McHale, what comes after breakfast?

JOEL: Who’s this guy, taking over the show? It’s like he’s gunning for my job or something!

CONTESTANT 2: Well, I have actually hosted a few..

Host cuts off Contestant 2 abruptly.

JOEL: Okay, I think that’s enough. Are there any questions from any *other* contestants?

CONTESTANT 3: I’m a little nervous, could I pair up with another contestant or two?

JOEL: You will literally never be alone. Unless you want to, that’s cool too. This competition is for you! And also me. The host. I’m the host.

CONTESTANT 4: Is this all.. fun?

JOEL: This will be the most enchanting, entrancing, enriching, exciting, exhausting, exalted week you’ll experience all year.

CONTESTANT 4: That sounds.. awesome!

Joel looks to camera.

JOEL: Oh. It’s awesome.

Contestants show growing excitement.

CONTESTANT 1: So, this is less a competition, and more of a mutual marathon? We can all enjoy it in equal measures, and create our own adventure? See what we want, attend the things we find interesting, and carve our own path?

JOEL: I think you’ve found the roadmap.

CONTESTANT 2: Right. So, why instill competitiveness, or fear, or anxiety? And why did you build this elaborate set? We could have just filmed this in the hotel lobby.

JOEL: And now you’re aiming for a producer credit. I’ll bet you have just tons of experience in event planning, don’t you?

CONTESTANT 2: Well, I did actually..

Host cuts off Contestant 2 abruptly, and not for the first time.
 
JOEL: Okay. You are literally the worst. I hope everyone here has fun! Except my pale friend here, he deserves to spend the rest of his life getting snowed on in Toronto. Now, is everyone ready to go?

ALL CONTESTANTS: Yes!

END SCENE.

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THE TOBY’s
From the production teams that brought you F1: DRIVE TO SURVIVE and THE LAST DANCE comes THE TOBY’s, rich in intimate behind-the-scenes looks at the teams striving for the industry’s most highly sought prize (The Outstanding Building of the Year). Regional champions come from all corners of the globe with a chance to stand on the sport’s biggest stage. Passion. Obsession. Drama. And no trophy for second place. This is: THE TOBY’s.

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Camera opens to a single COMPETITOR in the Seattle locker room. There’s a din of noise in the background, a combination of nearby teammates and rivals offscreen. COMPETITOR is holding a bottle of champagne, with no glass in sight. PRODUCER is asking COMPETITOR questions off camera, capturing the realtime, emotions in wake of this year’s TOBY finale.

PRODUCER: So, tell us what happened out there.

COMPETITOR: Listen, all credit to Canada. They showed up en masse, and were a worthy champion. They outright deserved to win tonight.

PRODUCER: This is two in a row, right?

COMPETITOR: It is. But really, it’s a damn pleasure being here, you know? I couldn’t see that last year. I got blinded by the lights, I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. It’s a privilege being here. To represent our team, our company, our city, our region. A damn privilege.

PRODUCER: How do you feel?

COMPETITOR: I mean, way better than last year. Not as great as I was hoping for, but that’s TOBY for you. It’s a leap of faith, and ends in glory for a select few. We knew the deal when we signed on, none of us are naïve.

COMPETITOR takes a long swig of the bottle. There remains no glass in sight.

COMPETITOR: But most of all? Gratitude. Glad to be here. Glad to have the Seattle Nine. Mad love for my BOMA crew. They’re who I was hoping we’d win this for. They’re the (indecipherable) best.

PRODUCER: Do you reckon you were close?

Competitor fidgets with his tie, then clears his throat.

COMPETITOR: Yeah, I reckon we were pretty close.

PRODUCER: How close?

COMPETITOR: I don’t know, and does it matter? I know we put in our all. I think our best was just a tick or two short of someone else’s BEST.

PRODUCER: Is there anything you would have done different?

COMPETITOR: Nah, man. Like, we belonged in the room, right? The room would have been missing something if we weren’t in it. It’s like when you ask for a scoop of almond ice cream, and they give it to you in a bowl. A waffle cone would have been better. I think we’re the waffle cone. I don’t know, my metaphors are better when I have the chance to write them out. You’re catching me in a moment of vulnerability here.

PRODUCER: This wasn’t your rookie season, did you feel more at home in the TOBY’s?

COMPETITOR: Yeah man. The whole thing is a yearlong golf tournament. There’s other competitors from all over the world, and you can’t control what they’re going to do. Someone goes on a hot streak, you can’t stop it. You’ve just gotta focus on you. Win the battle against yourself. It’s addicting, man. Hard to let that (indecipherable) go.

PRODUCER: Is the third time a charm?

COMPETITOR: No idea. We’ve got a winning team, a winning package, a winning mindset. All the pieces are there. But this (indecipherable) is infuriating. And we want this so (indecipherable) badly. But passion, or pride, or meaningfulness doesn’t guarantee anything, right? Like, not a single NHL team from Canada has won the Stanley Cup in 30 years. And you don’t think they don’t stew on that every single night? That there isn’t an ache in their heart or an empty spot in their trophy cases for something that’d mean the damn world to them?

COMPETITOR takes another drink of champagne.

PRODUCER: Listen, I’ve got just one last question before we wrap for the season.

COMPETITOR: Yeah, I know what you’re gonna ask me.

PRODUCER pauses, let’s the yet unasked question hang in the air.

PRODUCER: Will you be back next season?

COMPETITOR closes their eyes. Deep sigh, then shakes head. COMPETITOR opens his eyes, grins, and looks to camera.

COMPETITOR: Next year? Look for us on stage.

PURPLE HAZE by THE JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE plays. Cut to black.

END SCENE.